If you have a significant problem with alcohol, giving it up on your own is almost impossible. The vast majority of people need ongoing support, such as residential rehab, joining a peer-support community or addiction counselling.
Sober coaching is another option that many are turning to as convenient, discreet and effective way to start the process of kicking alcohol for good. A sober coach is usually someone who has overcome addiction and achieved lasting sobriety. They should also have a reputable coaching qualification to give them the skills to pass on their knowledge and support.
So how does sober coaching work?
Working with a sober coach means you are serious about change and making a commitment to take positive action. After seeing a doctor for medical clearance, a sober coach will provide you with intense, 1-1 support to see you through the early days of sobriety and beyond.
As well as sharing education on addiction and recovery, a sober coach will teach you the sober skills you need to stay on track and get successful results in your sobriety.
Getting and staying sober takes work and is not easy. Accountability is an important part of the coaching process, so expect to be working on your goals with crystal clear intentions, conditions and expectations.
By far, the best part of sober coaching is working alongside someone who really 'gets it' . No one understands addiction like someone who has experienced it, and overcome it.
What can I expect to do in a coaching session?
Coaching is not counselling, so you won't be working on issues from the past. Instead, coaching focuses on behaviour change in the here and now.
A coach won't tell you what to do - they will co-create goals alongside you with step-by-step increments that over time, get results.
Case study
Susan* wanted to try sober coaching after getting frustrated that she kept relapsing through her own efforts. Over the previous five years, her drinking had started to take its toll and her life was starting to unravel. She'd tried not drinking alone, changing the type of alcohol she drank, only drinking on certain days, drinking only on special occasions and limiting her drinks. She also tried alcohol and drug counselling sessions through her local community health centre, going to 12-step meetings and joining online support groups on social media.
Nothing really worked for Susan. She found it difficult to access regular sessions with an addiction counsellor through her local health practice, and didn't "click" with the only available person to talk to there. Attending AA wasn't her thing either - privacy was a big issue as she was a local business owner and didn't feel like sharing her struggles with strangers.
She wasn't ready to go to rehab - "I didn't think I was bad enough for that" - but craved structured support to gain momentum in her recovery.
"What I really needed was a sponsor, like they have in 12-step programmes, but I didn't want to go to AA. I heard about sober coaching and thought that might be right for me."
After Susan met with her doctor to make sure she didn't need medical support to stop drinking, I met with her online twice a week for three weeks. Our initial coaching sessions were spent on deep dives into her drinking habits, lifestyle and mindset. With the aim of sustainable sobriety in mind, we worked together to set small, achievable goals around sleep, exercise, mindfulness, diet, building appropriate support networks and most importantly, not drinking alcohol.
Susan worked out how she wanted to be answerable for the actions she had committed to. Each coaching session revisited progress - or lack of - and we kept pushing and redesigning approaches when necessary.
Information about addiction and recovery was important to Susan, so I shared the latest science and education around addiction. We looked at methods and skills she could use to avoid or deal with triggers and cravings for alcohol. She was also keen to hear my experiences of getting sober. "It was so good to know that getting sober is possible."
After a few weeks, Susan had built some consecutive sober days and we dropped the coaching sessions to one a week. We kept reviewing and setting goals, tweaking what wasn't effective and building on what was working.
Moderate anxiety was proving to be a persistent problem for Susan, so we used positive psychology's Acceptance and Commitment Therapy exercises to build her resilience.
"Recovery doesn't happen by wishing yourself sober and coaching was the push I needed to roll my sleeves up and take the action that I needed to stop relapsing."
A few months later, Susan was still alcohol free. She had learned sober skills, sorted support by finding a community that resonated with her and had built confidence and resilience.
She reported that coaching was the "game changer" she had been searching for.
"It's private and gave me the really focussed support I needed. I liked how I could contact Paulette between sessions to report in on my progress. She really knew her stuff around getting sober and understood me completely. I didn't feel judged but at the same time she was firm with me.
"Recovery doesn't happen by wishing yourself sober and coaching was the push I needed to roll my sleeves up and take the action that I needed to stop relapsing."
Almost six months later, Susan has one maintenance coaching session a month, which has further solidified her commitment to her sobriety.
"Having that relationship is invaluable. I like that we have shared something really special in me getting sober."
(*Susan's name was changed for privacy reasons).
To find out more about sober coaching, call Paulette on 027 231 5970.
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